DRAW SOMETHING

THIS IS BUBBLES. SMLJ RIGHT HAHAHAHA I got it correct eventually tho hhahahha but I thought it was balloon or something?!

Finally found time  & yes I did my nails nails nails. This is sticker btw hahahaha. 

-

-

Oyeah, Imma blog about my work. I quitted. 

I thought through the night before and was fully prepared for the day to come. And yes, I had a tough time at work again and yes, I quitted. I've to admit that I made mistake and it was fucking irresponsible to leave like this. I THOUGHT THROUGH everything. I knew I'm running away, I knew it's irresponsible, I knew I'm '草莓组' (Which means I can't take hard work etc) I knew it all. I knew I left a pile of shit behind and off I go. I knew I'm wrong! 

All I'm thinking was "I want to get the fuck out of this, I want to have fun, I don't want to give a fuck anymore" 

I swear I felt really guilty. It's so irresponsible because I quit now, who the hell is going to work tomorrow? who the hell is going to work for the day after tomorrow? 

I know and I chose to be irresponsible because I don't see why am I not enjoying my holiday. I am young, I have plenty of opportunities ahead. I took my youth for granted but thats what I want NOW. 

Did y'all know when I started working? 16 November 2011. Which is 2 days after my last O level papers. 

Did y'all know how many off days I have for Feb? Four. 

Did y'all know how many times I got scolded at work and ended up crying? More than the times I've cried in my 5 years of Secondary School life. I had enough of being labeled a cry baby or . ... ? Whatever.

I was so well prepared, I took my Maroon5's disc, earpiece and all the accessories I left at work IN THE AFTERNOON even before my boss was here. I can see the frustration in my boss's face. I know he's upset, disappointed. He must be so disappointed that he put so much expectations on me and when something went wrong, I chose to run away from reality. He tried to keep me but he was so mad that he yelled "You want to go, then JUST FUCK OFF." Really loud. So hahahahhaha I put the keys on the table then bye. I jolly well fucked-off. 

At that moment, I was really having a mixed feelings.

Guilty for leaving with a pile of shit left behind

Worried because there would be no one working for him the next day

Relieve that I don't ever have to go in the shop again

Happy as I can have all the time I ever wanted

Sad because he used to tell everyone I'm his best staff, but I guess over a night, I'm the worst. :(

:( , I'M REALLY SAD FOR THAT.

I never wanted such an ending.

Guesstures

FUCKING GET ME OUT OF THIS.

I fear so much

I am so afraid of so many things. When was the last time I had this feeling? It's like a stone on the edge of my heart. I can choose to move it away but I can't put myself to do it. 

I feared work every single fucking day

I feared doing the wrong things at work

I feared not doing anything

Whats 'wrong' things? I've no idea & thats what went wrong. I'm so scared my forgetfulness will result me of leaving things at places that should be not be left. I'm so scared my clumsiness will cause me to fell from stairs. I'm so scared my confidence will turn me into someone arrogant. 

I feared my initiative. 

Whats initiative? Or is it Gei Kiang? 

I swear I'm so so so scared of work. 

I feared expectations. 

I feared trust. 

I feared assumptions. 

I love work, but I fear so much that whenever I step into the shop, I felt watched and tensed. I look forward to off days not because I want to rest/play/etc but because I get to 'not-fear' for a day. But when I go back the next day, the tense feeling is double! 

I feared being called 'act blur' when the fact is that I don't know

I feared being mocked a cry baby when I get so frustrated and weep at work

I feared being task because I don't know if it's the right thing to do

I'm afraid of helping because my dad would scold. Or rather, afraid of helping because I might just give more trouble.

I'm fucking scared. I've had this feeling when I was in school?  & that was when I'm afraid that the given homework isn't complete/books not brought/etc 

It's my god damn holiday, why the hell should I even be feeling like this!?! 

Can I be irresponsible for once and just leave work and not go back anymore?